stream of consciousness 3/4/14
My body’s coping mechanism with fear amplifies my reality and worsens its aftermath. I cope with fear by ignoring its inevitably. The problem is I fear confrontation with fear, and by avoiding it I only affirm my reasons for worry. Waves of realization come and go, accompanied with painful shivers down my spine and tensed shoulders. “Just make it go away” says my brain. And then I once again resume telling myself that it won’t return, so I can successfully convince myself that these shocks of pain aren’t reoccurring. Of course that isn’t true. It’s funny how I prolong my suffering due to my fear of suffering.